Day Zero: December 22, 2012

Hey, Look. Burt, the horny midget's still alive!

Burt - Born in a dumpster to a one-eyed Polecat and a toothless Deck worker named Skittles.
Burt - Never own, nor wore a pair of pants.
Burt -  Can't swim, but refuses to stay away from the pool.
Burt - Spent two years locked in a cage with a rabid monkey. Came out alive with a belly full of diseased monkey meat.
Burt - Ruined every Christmas party he's ever been invited to.
Burt - Bare-knuckle boxed a dog at the age of six.