News Item Of The Week: Bad Ass Wrecks His Ride

There was a bitching car accident on the Interstate Highway passing through Clarks, Nebraska. This sick Cherry-Red Dodge Charger was just tearing down Interstate 90. It was all weaving into the outbound lane and then, into the inbound lane. It was making the cops look like a bunch of chumps, dude. This reporter hadn’t seen the driver, but you just know his a badass. The Pigs were all like, “Oh, we’re a bunch of bitches who put Nitrous in the back of our cars, but don’t ever us it.” Well, this poor badass wrecks his badass Charger because some old lady or something couldn’t get out of the way. He plows right into her back bumper, makes her spill her pudding cup or whatever, and then, the police come to arrest the badass because he made the police look like a bunch of slow jerks.