ACT THREE - SCENE ONE
Setting
(Exterior of a single-story ranch house with a weedy, unkempt lawn.) ASIAN WOMAN and the random crowd of Asian enters, crowding the streets. ASIAN WOMAN carries STEWIE in her arms. ASIAN WOMAN enters the single-story ranch-house, leaving the random crowd of Asians. One of them pulls a smoke bomb out of his pocket, throws it to the ground and then they all disappear.
Setting:
(Interior of the single-story, ranch-house.) ASIAN WOMAN sets STEWIE down on a couch next to a sterotypical black baby. ASIAN WOMAN exits into the kitchen.
(Description of Black Baby: Big afro, diamond ear rings and a saggy diaper. He looks nothing like Rallo from 'The Cleveland Show')
STEWIE:
Rallo?
BLACK BABY:
What?
STEWIE:
I just...I mean...Well...Listen, I'm just going to be honest here. You look like someone I know... (To himself.) Wait. Have I met Rallo, yet? I can't imagine why I wouldn't have. The writers are so starved for storylines... That seems like a given.
The BLACK BABY is still staring at STEWIE.
STEWIE
Oh, I'm sorry. You're still here.
BLACK BABY
Who the hell are you?
STEWIE
(Offering his hand.) Stewie Griffin. Pleasure to meet you.
The BLACK BABY doesn't take STEWIE's hand.
BLACK BABY
You gonna die if you don't get out of here.
STEWIE
Oh...Aren't you unplesant. (Calling into the kitchen.) Asian mommy! Asian mommy! A word, please!
BLACK BABY
(clapping a hand over STEWIE's mouth) Shut up! We both gonna die. This lady's crazy.
The BLACK BABY climbs off the couch and gestures for STEWIE to follow. They skirt around the kitchen door and walk down a hallway.
The BLACK BABY pushs open a door to reveal a bedroom full of dead, rotting babies. STEWIE's mouth drops open.
STEWIE
What the hell's going on?
BLACK BABY
She's been taking babies off the street for years. She lost her own baby and now she's trying to replace him.
STEWIE
Wait...Why aren't you dead?
BLACK BABY
Because I was the most like her kid.
STEWIE
You mean...like, in temperment and personality. Obviuos, you don't mean...
BLACK BABY
I don't mean what...
STEWIE
Come on. You know. You're...one thing and she's another.
BLACK BABY
No, I don't know. How are we different?
STEWIE
Come on...You know what... Never mind. You two are exactly alike. You're clearly an Asian child.
BLACK BABY
We don't have time for this. She's gonna kill one of us if both of us don't get out of here.
STEWIE
But she's going to give me Sunny D.
BLACK BABY
(Gripping STEWIE around the shoulders.) She doesn't have any Sunny D. She never has Sunny D.
STEWIE's face goes blank.
STEWIE
(Stepping away from BLACK BABY) Just a moment.
STEWIE walks away, exiting into the kitchen. There's a loud crash, followed by a scream.
STEWIE
(From the other room.) Liar! Liar! You never had Sunny D! Did you! Did you!
STEWIE enters the hallway and walks up to BLACK BABY.
STEWIE
We're good. Listen, we might want get out of here. Like... now. I'll go to Juvenile Hall, but they'll try you as an Adult.
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