Saturday, April 12, 2014

News Item of the Month: April

Governor Rick Scoot has announced a plan to recover much of the money he lost during the highly-maligned bill, reallocating tax revenue into the purchase of lottery tickets. Governor Scott has filed a lawsuit in an English court, claiming that J.K. Rowling had modeled the major antagonist of the Harry Potter series, Voldemort, on his likeness. Governor Scott, further, claims that J.K. Rowling based many events of Volemort’s life are based off of Scott’s life.
“Lord Voldemort’s actual name is Tom Marvolo Riddle. He rearranged the letters of his name when he came to power. I did the exact same thing. Before I went into politics, my name was Kroc Stict.” Governor Scott told a local reporter.

Again, there were reports that Governor Scott, then, kneaded his hands together and bobbed his head up and down, saying ‘Yeah. Yeah. Y’all are going to see. Y’all are going to see.”

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