Saturday, November 16, 2013

News Item Of The Week: Bad Ass Wrecks His Ride

There was a bitching car accident on the Interstate Highway passing through Clarks, Nebraska. This sick Cherry-Red Dodge Charger was just tearing down Interstate 90. It was all weaving into the outbound lane and then, into the inbound lane. It was making the cops look like a bunch of chumps, dude. This reporter hadn’t seen the driver, but you just know his a badass. The Pigs were all like, “Oh, we’re a bunch of bitches who put Nitrous in the back of our cars, but don’t ever us it.” Well, this poor badass wrecks his badass Charger because some old lady or something couldn’t get out of the way. He plows right into her back bumper, makes her spill her pudding cup or whatever, and then, the police come to arrest the badass because he made the police look like a bunch of slow jerks.

Saturday, November 9, 2013

News Item of the Week: Why People Hate Dr. Beans

Failing to watch Breaking Bad makes people hate you.

  Dr. Paul L. Pickles in the Sociology Department of the University of New Mexico has performed a study which attempted to answer the question, Why does everyone hate Dr. Brian A. R. Bean, also in the Sociology Department of University of New Mexico. According to Dr. Pickles, Dr. Beans is universally hated by everyone everywhere and his recent study reveals some possible reasons. The study involved a sit-down conversation with Dr. Beans, where in Dr. Beans was asked the following questions:

1. How’d you like the Series Finale of Breaking Bad?
2. How’d you like the Season Opener of The Walking Dead?
3. What did you think of The Avengers?

Dr. Beans’ answer to the above mentioned questions are as follows:

1. I don’t watch Breaking Bad. I saw the first episode and thought it was boring.
  2. I don’t watch The Walking Dead. I can’t stand fake stuff. I’m a little old to waste time with Zombies.
3. Yeah, right. Like I’m going to play make believe with a big green guy and a robot.

It is to be noted that Dr. Beans engaged in this conversation while consuming an egg salad sandwich. Dr. Pickles remarked that it seemed as though Dr. Beans wanted his peers to hate him, but it seemed as though Dr. Beans' awfulness is too comprehensive to be purposeful.

Dr. Pickles remarks " He's just awful rather than trying to be awful."

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Nano Battle Diaries: 001

November 06, 2013 I'm in a fight for my life. When it's one tick past midnight and you've near 2000 words to go, a man's gotta live or die by his guns (literally.) I've been holding up other authors for their words. Am I proud of it? No, I'm not but neither am I ashamed. A desperado is a desperate man that's what I am. Current Word Count: 8139

Saturday, November 2, 2013

News Item Of The Week - Butt Fucking

Butt-fucking, apparently, isn’t as amazing as it was previously reported.

“While Ass-Play does look awesome in pornography, it isn’t actually all that great due to the lack of professionalism while engaging in the act. Pornographic actresses snake a tube up in there and they clean it out. Meanwhile, if you convince your girlfriend/ wife/ sexual partner of some kind to take it in the stink, it will most likely be reluctantly. She/he, most likely, will not do the pre-show work to prevent certain rotten egg smells and fecal stains.”

Said Dr. Maria Mason of the Department of Human Sexuality at New York University. When asked if she would be willing to let someone ride the Hershey Highway, Mason was reportedly, ‘A Bitch About It.’

Friday, November 1, 2013


'Kid Silver: Bang And Burn' is the sequel to 'Kid Silver: Alone' and follows the lead character, Maxwell Garrison in prison, after a bloody prison riot.