On July 11th and July 12th, I’ll be going to Reader-con in Burlington, Ma and something I want to do is figure out how to best use my two days in the Land of the Writers. I don’t have too many places where I can walk up to a complete stranger and ask, “Hey, how’s the book going?”
Everywhere else, more often than not, I’d be looked at like a crazy person. At Reader-con, I could swing a dead cat by the tail and hit ten other aspiring writers. I imagine that hitting people with cats, dead or alive, is a horrible way to make friends and influence people, so my first list item is:
1.) Leave the Dead Cat at home. You can take it out if you ever get roped into going to your Uncle’s Church.
What I think is the most important thing for me is, finding other writers, keeping in contact with other writers. There’s this writer from my writing group who I’ve never met. She says she’ll be going to Reader-con and though she’s never come to a meeting, she seems to be a serious writer. If I can connect with her, I’ll mark Reader-con a success. Hell, if I connect with any serious writers at this thing, I’ll mark it as a success. My second list item is:
2.) Hunt down this one person I know will be there and if I can’t find her, then I’ll just stalk everyone else.
So, I’ll be arriving after school at about 4pm, hopefully. My sister will be driving me down and then, I’ll be checking into my room. I’ll just be packing a couple shirts, some deodorant and my toothbrush. I’ll sit on my single bed, probably flick on my television and probably have a minor panic-attack. I’m learning to acknowledge my fears and choose to push forward. I have to look at my goal and ignore the snarling beast before me. I have to believe that it can’t hurt me. I don’t know what will happen at the ‘Welcome to Reader-con’ Event at 7pm, but I doubt that I will be physically harmed. I’m a big guy and I’ve been working out, getting muscles. In some weird scenario where someone comes at me with a knife, I think I can handle myself. That’ll be the third item on my list:
3.) If you see a knife, strike at the throat and don’t be afraid to knock him in the nuts. If it’s a lady, just punch her in the tit.
My second day, I’ll be walking around, attending a couple panels and try to meet a couple more people. Or, I’ll be sitting in my hotel room until I have to check out and then hover at the fringes, nodding at strangers until my sister picks me up. It’s one step at a time, one $360.00 step at a goddamn time. I should have that tattooed on my arm. I could look down at my arm, say, ‘I spent that much to be here and I’m this poor.’ (I’m very poor.) If I can remember that, then I’ll probably do a panel or two, shake a few hands and hand out a few business cards. That’ll be my fourth list item:
4.) You’ve spent money that you don’t have to go to this stupid thing. Make it worthwhile, jackass.
This could be good for me. This will be good for me. I’m excited for Reader-con.
Oh, God! I’m so afraid….
No…No… It’s a good thing. This will be a good thing.
So, here’s my list:
1.) Leave the Dead Cat at home. Actually, throw away the dead cat. It’s starting to stink.
2.) Stalk everyone, but this one person especially.
3.) If you see a knife, go for the throat, nuts or tits.
4.) Make it worthwhile.
I’m ready for Reader-con 24!