Monday, May 16, 2011

Facts About Maine

1. 47% Of People who live in Maine are dead inside, 48% Of People who live in Maine are addicted to Crystal Meth, 5% of people who live in Maine are plotting to escape Maine.

2. Mooses control the whole of Maine and will frequently rape and attack the citizens of Maine

3. If one were to drive through Maine at a speed higher than 30mph, the citizens of Maine will instinctively throw themselves in front of said car. This being so, as of 1998, it is no longer illegal to vehicularly kill a person from Maine.

4. As of 2003, it is no longer illegal to shoot a person from Maine if said person raises their voice above eight octaves.

5. As of 2006, the government has started the practice of sniping citizens of Maine from helicopters, in the hopes of curbing their population growth.

6. The commonwealth of Massachusetts has installed thousands of land mines and sniper perches in the hopes of deterring Maine from trying to restore itself to it’s former configuration.

7. It is illegal for a person from Maine to purchase tabacco before their 37th birthday.

8. People from Maine are not Human, but a breed of large bipedal cat.

9. People from Maine sleep standing up

10. If you jump on a person from Maine, they will turn into $50.00 worth of pennies

11. The 5% of Maine’s population that plot to escape from Maine meet on the last Thursday of every month to gain moral support and to try and raise money to rent a bus.

12. At exactly 12:43am everyday, the whole of Maine stops to stare directly into the sun. No explanation has been given as to why.

13. People from Maine are capable of telling a 12hr. story about an event that only lasted 2 minutes.

14. People from Maine do not understand human humor, but will laugh if they hear someone else laugh.

15. The Citizens of Maine’s humor consists primarily of the “silly things” their older brother does. No one knows what those things are.

16. Although it was proven untrue that the citizens of Maine’s brains are made of cotton candy, the American government still encourages the harvesting of said brains for carnivals and circuses.

17. A 2005 study reports, 76% of all Americans, if stranded in Maine would walk in any direction (even into the Atlantic Ocean) than stay in Maine.

18. That same study reports that 91% of all Americans agree that Maine should be forced out of the union.

19. Again, that same study states that 100% of Americans believe that Maine sucks.

20. The Canadian government has issued over ten thousand requests for Maine to stop touching them; Maine has yet to oblige.

21. The Citizens of Maine have the ability to cry root beer

22. The Mecca of Maine is a Pinero’s Pizza off Route 22.

23. Maine is not considered civilization because of the frequent moose rape and lack of an effective police force.

No comments:

Post a Comment