Excerpt From Paranormal Magnet, Episode 1: “Mr. Alien”

Characters:
Ernest Jay Mason –
Alison Cole
Andy Murphy
Mr. Alien

ACT 1: SCENE 1 – ERNIE moves through the forest, a rifle in his hands. He’s clad in an orange hunting vest and army camouflage shirt and pants.

SETTING: A sprawling forest, evergreens ebbing in a gentle wind. Sunlight spills downward through the branches, causing the light to glitter on the soil and rocks. In the distance, a stream babbles and shimmers like diamonds.

ERNIE breaks though a thin wall of undergrowth and peers down the babbling stream. In the distances, a vague shape bows its head and drinks from the stream.
ERNIE aims his rifle, lining the shape in between his crosshairs. A crow caws and it echoes off into forever. Ernie pulls the trigger. The creature falls and makes an implicitly human cry.
ERNIE gasps, then drops his gun. The creature continues to make human noises as Ernie hurries over to it. As he approaches it, he realizes that it doesn’t look like a human being. Maybe a man in a costume? The creature writhes and cries, bulbous and gray. It appears more like a large lizard with long, strong hind legs. It’s tail swishes as it wriggles and rolls. Its blood is green and is splattered across the reddish dirt.

ERNIE – Oh, god.

ERNIE moves slowly to the creature, removing his hunting vest.

MR. ALIEN – (Long strings of improvised profanity mixed in between gasps of pain.)

ERNIE - (Notable fear in his voice) Are you okay?

MR. ALIEN rolls to look up to Ernie. His face was all large black eyes screwed up in anger.

MR. ALIEN – You shoot me?

ERNIE – (Stepping backward ) What?

MR. ALIEN – (Leaning forward) You shoot me!

ERNIE – (Stepping back again) No. No. Of course, not. I mean, I had a gun.

MR. ALIEN – Did you use it to shoot me?

ERNIE - I should appeal pressure to the wound.

MR. ALIEN – You really shot me. Motherfucker, you really shot me.

Ernie moves in and presses his hunting vest into the gushing wound on the alien’s massive leg. The alien twitches and moans as he presses down.

MR. ALIEN – (Pounding what would be an arm on a human against the ground.) Fuck you. That hurts.

ERNIE – What are you doing out here? Are they filming a movie or something?

MR. ALIEN – What the fuck are you talking about?

ERNIE – You’re in a costume, right?

MR. ALIEN – What the fuck are you talking about, asshole?

ERNIE moves his hand onto the flesh of the alien and instantly recoils, realizing that it’s flesh.

MR. ALIEN – Hey, pervert. Keep your hands under control.

ERNIE re-appeals pressure on the wound and MR. ALIEN moans aloud.

ERNIE – (Breathless) What are you?

MR. ALIEN - What do you think I am, dick-head?

ERNIE – (In a whisper) Not a person.

The two remain silent except for their shuttering breaths. A crow caws in the distance and sweat beads and rolls down ERNIE’s cheek.
ERNIE peers down a fleshy, cylindrical mass extrudes from between MR. ALIEN’s legs. The mass is throbbing and sliding toward ERNIEE’s hand. The fleshy mass pokes ERNIE in the hand.

ERNIE – Jesus. Is that…? Are you getting off on this?

MR. ALIEN – How could it be? I’m not a person, right?

The fleshy mass ebbs over ERNIE’s hand.

ERNIE – God, it’s warm.

MR. ALIEN – It’s not that bad.

ERNIE – It’s heavy.