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Friday, September 20, 2013

News Items Of the Week! - The Bear Experience

Jeffery Fink of the Fink & Barn Wildlife Experience in Yuma, Florida has announced an exciting, new attraction:  Humiliate a Bear Experience.

Like most modern, small business, the Fink & Barn Wildlife Experience has suffered under economic pressures. Fink, in an effort to drum up business, decided to try this new idea.

Here’s how it works: Fink or, a reportedly reluctant Howard Barn will shoot one of their seven bears with a tranquilizer dart and then, for a low, low price of $24.95, you can go into the cage and punch a bear directly in the face. For another $5, men are permitted to rub their bare scrotum on the bear’s face and women will be able to blow a hot fart directly in the bear’s face.

Though the experience is slated to open in the Spring, there’s been notable interest in Japanese markets and surprisingly, from the animal rights organization, PETA.


Timothy Carter, who is suspected to be seeking to rescue his elder brother, has requested that this reporter supply him with more Crack Cocaine. Against the wishes of the editorial Staff, this reporter has elected to honor this request in pursuit of this unfolding story.  

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