In Willow’s Lab
By Letsbie Badguyz
“But why?” Buffy asked, adopting a childish whine. Willow’s laboratory was actually the middle of Buffy’s living room. There were circuit boards and loose wires scattered about her dark brown, Italian leather couch and on top of the oversized Teak coffee table was the recovered Buffy-bot. Her mechanical legs and arms spilled off the sides of the table and her chest had been left open, revealing thousands of wires and clockwork cogs mired with scraps of trash.
“She was useful the last time you were dead. Kept the Hell-mouth from getting too bad.” Willow said, putting down her soldering gun and pushing her safety glasses up into her long, red hair.
“You’re expecting me to die again?” Buffy said. She crossed her arms over her chest and gave a frown.
“No. Not actually, but she’d make a good decoy. You’ve become well-known since the Sunnydale Hell-mouth shut down. Not just in America. Slayers all over, but plenty of demons would love to see you dead. Buffy-bot might take some of that heat off of you.” Willow gave the Buffy-bot a loving pat on the shoulder and something inside her machinery began to spin. The Buffy-bot’s eyes brightened and then a smile grew across her face.
“Willow’s a lesbian. We’re friends.” Buffy-bot announced in a cheery voice. Willow pulled a circuit board free from her chest and the robot fell back asleep.
“Will, it’s a glorified sex toy and a creepy one at that.” Buffy said, looking down at the Buffy-bot. She’d been deactivated with a toothy smile frozen on her face. Willow picked up the soldering gun and began to bond a wire to a circuit with small sparks skittering onto the Teak and down onto the polished Oak floor.
“Dawn’s my sister. She’s also a shiny ball of light.” The Buffy-bot announced. “And Willow’s a lesbian.”
“How did anyone ever think that was me?” Buffy peered out the bay window. Yellowed sunlight and blue shadows spilled onto her face.
“True, she doesn’t have your charm or ability to swim without shorting.” Willow said, her hand probing deep into the Buffy-bot’s chest cavity like she might be looking to tear her friend’s heart out. She pulled a chicken bone free and tossed it on the Oak floor.
“Yuck.” She said, wiping her hand on her thin, tanned sweater’s sleeve.
“Last I heard of this thing, it had been ripped in half by motorcycles. How’d it turn back up?” Buffy said, turning back to face Willow.
“A couple of vampires actually set up a website called, ‘we-slayed-the-slayer-dot-com. They had a bunch of pictures of themselves posing with the Buffy-bot. Talk about creepy. Giles sent someone out to stake them and get this poor thing.” She tightened a screw in the depths of the android’s body, causing a cooling fan to begin to whir.
“And you just had to fix it.”
“Not quite fixed yet and I don’t know if I can. Robotics is more of a hobby.” Willow said, reinserting a pair of circuit boards and fastening them with her screwdriver.
“Spike, you’re so evil and sexy.”
“Now that’s gross.” Buffy said, dropping into an overstuffed leather armchair across from the Teak coffee table turned workbench. Willow turned the screwdriver again and the Buffy-bot uttered a long string of French.
“Isn’t that nifty? The Buffy-bot knows French.” Willow said, looking over to Buffy and chancing a smile. When the smile wasn’t returned, she turned the screwdriver and the Buffy-bot ceased her French monologue. Now her eyes were blinking rapidly. Willow inserted another circuit board.
“404-error: Not found.” She announced.
“That’s not good.” Willow said. Sparks popped up out from the robot’s chest and Willow jumped back in surprise.
“Beyond repair?” Buffy said, sounding hopeful. She leaned forward as smoke wafted up out from the Buffy-bot’s chest.
“No. I just shorted a circuit. I can patch it easy.”
“Buffy. Think of it like this. She’ll get her face smashed in over and over again so you don’t have to. That’s a good thing, right?” Buffy stuck her tongue out at Willow while Willow unfastened a circuit board and pulled it free.
“Willow’s a lesbian.” The Buffy-bot announced while giving the ceiling a thumbs up.
- ► 2014 (44)
- ► 2013 (69)
- ▼ 2012 (80)
- ► 2011 (64)